I'm in a Funk

It had been a normal day - worked hard and came home tired and glad it was Wednesday. First things first - let the cats out - not too hot today. Fill their dry food and water dishes - make the bed, even if it is 6:00 - can't stand sleeping in a bed with wrinkles. Put the knife and plate left from my husband's breakfast in the dishwasher. Oh, there's a message on the phone. Check the messages and one is for me from my friendly family doctor with instructions to call his patient infomation voicemail line. Okay. Dial, enter the numbers needed and Lydia says "Hello Hannah - we've received the results of the MRI/MRA you had done and you have a blockage on the right upper quadrant of your front brain and an aneurism on the left mid-section of your brain. You need to call and make an appointment with a neurology specialist at your earliest convenience....".

Right.

Why do the knees buckle first? Think things through. No point in worrying about something if you don't have all the facts. No point in calling the kids and worry them. Oh damn, have to tell Louie and he'll freak. It was better not knowing. Push it back and maybe it will go away. Yes BUT...your Mother had aneurisms and they cost her half her brain. If you push it back and ignore it you will really look ugly with half your head gone. Damn it again.

Okay, breathe deep and call your daughter. You can tell her anything and when it's not her or her kids she really is calm and gives great advice. Okay - call her. No answer. Call the cell. No answer. Shit - you finally get the nerve to call her and no one ever answers the phone. This must be a sign...you know how you believe in signs. It's TUT's way of saying don't tell anyone. I have to tell someone it's eating me alive. Okay call the son in law and see if he answers. YES! He answers. Oh, she's scapbooking?? Now?? Would it be okay if I called her? Are you sure? I don't want to be a pest. (Yes I do!!) Thanks - call her cell. No answer. Ten minutes later the phone rings and it's her and she is scrapbooking with her friends and no, it's okay. So what did you want to talk to me about??

As expected Ms. Calm advises me to stay cool, tell her dad about it and not worry. Great advice. It feels better just telling her about it.

I did call her dad and he did freak and has continued to freak for the past 3 weeks. I have attempted to get an appointment with Barrow Neurological here in Phoenix since they are considered the best, and with luck I might actually see a doctor there before the end of the year. As time goes on I keep coming up with logical answers to the fears that sneak in. I could have had this my whole life and just never knew. Who knows how long it's been there and I've been just fine. According to an episode of Six Feet Under, if the aneurism blows I die instantly with blood steaming down my nose and I don't feel a thing. Everyone feels really sorry and I get a lot of attention, even if it is too late. I appreciate the thought.

Of course, I really, really want to have my farm, sheep, llama, and chickens and see my grandchildren grow up and go off to college, if there is college that is affordable in 20 years. I also want to see how my husband and I look when we're 80 years old and have been together for 50 years. Will he still be a biker and me a crafter? Will we be crazy old folks with a wicked sense of humor and will I want to feed the kids all the time like their grandma does? I hope I still love shoes when I'm 80. I'll keep my hair red too. Just to bug people if nothing else. I plan to swear too.

So, it gets me down that I can't get the damn appointment, which indicates I do want to stick around and see how things play out for all of us, but some days it's hard. I get frustrated and mad. Mad at the genes that made this happen. Mad at Barrow for taking so damn long. Mad at my husband for wanting me to not bend over or work in my garden, but thankful he is helping out more. Mad that we live here and the kids live far away and we should be together. I need my friend. I need my kids and their little ones. It makes me happy and I laugh more when I'm with them.

I need to laugh A LOT now.

~ Hannah

Hurry Spring -

Phoenix is in the midst of Spring weather - not too hot and not too cold. In fact...it's just right. We can leave the heat and AC off and have the doors and windows open to circulate air. This is the only time of year I can say anything nice about living here. Come May it will be a different story.

We had heavy rains in February and early March and the weeds have been prolific all over the valley. I went to several stores looking for extended weed killer (very un-Green of me I know)and all of them were sold out. The stores just couldn't keep up. Now I admit to using chemicals SPARINGLY only where I can't get to the weeds (rock riverbeds, pathways and under cacti) and the weeds were smart and grew where they thought I couldn't get to them. Ha! I hate weeds more than I hate weed killer so they lose! They were strong little buggers though. It took me digging the majority of them up, followed by some spray followed by more digging a week later. Once I get them out of there I can use Amaze granuals and keep them at bay the whole season. The really great garden news is my orange tree has blossoms and I just hope the bees find it and pollinate. My first citrus - how exciting.

Besides the yard, I have been a busy bee in my craft shop. I made Elsie a dress and a vest/pant outfit that took so much work and looks so bad on her. I can't help but crack up when I see her in them. It was so bad I deleted the pictures of her in the pants and the dress made her look like a bag lady, and the vest fit, but the pants look like parachute pants on MC Hammer. It was pitiful. I'm better off sticking with tag blankets and burp cloths. My etsy shop is getting stocked and I have been buying fabric like I used to buy shoes. It's important to get designer fabrics not available at the local Joann's so things are unique. It all started with Funky Monkey and has gone uphill from there. I've had to organize in bins all the fabric I have now. Be sure to check out my esty site dreamingincolors.etsy.com)

I haven't seen my new boy Atticus since the first week of February but he's growing fast and has the cutest grump faces. We kid his daddy that Atty picked that up from him. Jason jokes all the time about hating people so we blame it all on him. I can't wait to hold him again before he gets too big. They are small so short a time. I plan to go up North for tulip season in April, again in June and in August for the birth of our second grandson to Javan and Terina. 2008 is proving to be baby explosive. Enough!

Hope this finds you happy and well. Thanks for stopping by,

Hannah

Always, Dreaming....in colors.

On The Home Front

It was a very productive weekend. I discovered that with the TV completely off, and no music playing I stayed on track and got so much done! Thank you screen writers for making me turn off the TV and craft and sew all weekend. I'd break for dinner ( just a snack) and get right back at it and when I'd look at the clock it was 10PM!

This summer, one of my projects was to start line drying my clothes. I remember how good things smelled when I was a kid and wanted to see if I could do it for that reason as well as energy savings. I keep trying to be more green for the planet and not for the reason my husband says - he's green too - "I like to save as much green as I can...."

For months I have tried to think how my grandmother used to do things. On wash day she'd pull out the old wringer washer, fill the wash tub with hot clear water and get to work. Sudsy water in the wringer and load the clothes - go back upstairs and make a pie crust, start bread dough to rise - throw the pie crust in the ice box, go back down to the basement, stop the machine, start the wringer, push clothes through to clear water - push clothes with wooden pole to rinse, swing wringer arm over empty tub with basket waiting for wrung out clothes. Lug the basket up stairs, around house and hang on line. Hope for a breeze to dry them quickly. Go back downstairs, re-heat water in wringer and start process all over, while baking at least 2 pies and 2 loaves of bread, cleaning the house, fixing a dinner from scratch, with the only canned items used being the ones you put up "last season". Then, when the first line of clothes were dry, 75% of the time the ironing board was up with the iron ready to go so she could iron everything (even the sheets and towels, which were used as training for me to learn how to iron) at various states of dryness, thus eliminating the need to sprinkle the clothes prior to ironing. IF she had to sprinkle the clothes it took a lot longer, because they had to marinate in the freezer for an hour to get that professional laundry look.

Oh yeah, I forgot about starching shirts - that was another tub with water and starch added that the shirts were dipped into prior to the final wringging out - and they had to be watched as they dried because they had to be damp to iron. Instead of bleach she used bluing to get whites white along with a cup of 20 Mule Team Borax. I use the Borax in my laundry today too - it's the only thing that works on AZ water and keeps the yellow out of my white loads.

I'm exhausted just writing this down! She did it every week from the time I can remember until she was in her 70's. She canned, baked, sewed without patterns, played piano and Hammond organ professionally at church and funeral homes (- don't ask) and still had time for me whenever I needed her. She did it all without complaint and with a smile.

I started hanging my clothes outside in mid-July. It was a riot just figuring out how to hang the clothes line. In my childhood everyone had permanent lines in their back yards that lasted year round. In the spring you'd wash off the line or replace it, but the T poles were in cement and lasted a lifetime. I didn't have that luxury, and being in an HOA regulated community I had to find a way to keep it on the down low, so no one could see it and bust me. It had to be close to the back door because I for one did not want that walk my Grandma had with each load. I checked the internet to find out solutions, (the Amish were the biggest help), went to Wal-Mart with my list of necessities and came home with the line, pullies, spacers and hooks. I laid it all out on the living room floor and had to figure out on my own how to put it together. I set it up between the poles of our patio cover and made it so it could be taken down and kept out of sight when not in use. With the heat we have, my clothes were bone dry in 15 min. - 20 min. for heavy towels and 30 min. at most for jeans. I was beside myself. For the most part, the outdoor smell was still nice, and if I used vinegar and fabric softner things were soft but had body. Well, I just knew this was the motherload of conserving on electricity. In some way both my huband and I were being green, green and more green. I didn't expect to see a savings right off the bat with the August bill, but by Sept. I figured I'd see something. Well temps in Sept and October were over 110 degrees 25+ days so the A/C was taking a real load. I waited for the October bill, and still saw no change worthy of all my effort. I was disappointed but still felt there was a change - I was just missing it. Out of frustration I wrote the power company explaining my dilemma . They wrote back - and said "Thank you for contacting us through aps.com in regard to your recent electric bills. We appreciate the recent efforts you have made to conserve electricity.Keep in mind that during the hotter months of the year, over 60% of electricity is used by your air conditioner, so our record-breaking temperatures these last three months have had the most significant impact on your electricity usage. By analyzing your electric usage based on the number of days in each billing period, we can provide a better comparison of 2006 to 2007 energy consumption as follows:
Oct. 2007 statement shows 1306 kWh used in 28 days, or 46.6 average kWh per day-average outdoor temperature was 87 degrees
Oct. 2006 statement shows 1497 kWh used in 31 days, or 48.3 average kWh per day-average outdoor temperature was 82 degrees
Sept. 2007 statement shows 2237 kWh used in 32 days, or 69.9 average kWh per day-average outdoor temperature was 95 degrees
Sept. 2006 statement shows 1921 kWh used in 29 days, or 66.2 average kWh per day-average outdoor temperature was 89 degrees. As you can see, showing the information in this way makes it easier to see that your efforts have succeeded in reducing your energy consumption ------despite outdoor temperatures being higher this year than last...." That's all I needed to keep on keepin' on.

Now, I need to learn how to do canning and preserving and I also did sewing and cleaning this weekend all the while hanging the clothes out to dry and save green...both kinds. Now I need to learn how to can and preserve.....

Be well and enjoy the flowers...the bees need them.

Love,

Hannah

Dreaming In Colors

DreaminginColors.etsy.com

It's almost Thanksgiving -

Where has the year gone? Of course, living in the Phoenix area we are still having summer weather - over 90 degrees every day. Enough already. I want to feel frost and cold air on my face and wear sweaters and an overcoat. Instead, the summer clothes are almost worn out from over use this year. In my office we keep the thermostat so low I wear jackets and sweaters just to remind myself it is indeed fall.

Every day when I'm driving home and stuck in traffic, I call Reyna (daughter) and we relive what we've done that day. It's almost as good as having her still living here but not quite. She listens as I go off about being Green and how the bees are all dying and we must save them. Her dad's causes are 'W' and exercise and mine are being eco savvy and saving things....like the bees. Two thirds of the bee population have died off this year and when one first hears about it one might be inclined to chuckle, but think about all the things in our daily life that are a result of the bees doing their thing. Without pollination we have no fruits or vegies! I'm taking this very seriously and have planted my entire backyard with flowers - so the poor bees that are still alive have a safe harbor in the sea of desert around me. No one gardens in my neighborhood so I am their only sanctuary. Scientists have been working overtime on the dilemma of the bees and it appears to be a multi-leveled problem including stress and memory loss caused by pesticides. Well let me tell you - I'm doing all I can to help out.

The other news is my last trip to Seattle two weeks ago. I got to drive up to Bellingham and see my son, Javan and his partner Terina and daughter Teilani. It was a first time seeing Teilani and she is a doll. She and Elsie were best friends instantly and played and shared toys and sippy cups like they'd known each other since birth. Elise just turned a year in October and Teilani was a year is June. That is great for them growing up together and being friends for life.

I plan to go up to Seattle again next weekend and then again in December and of course for two weeks minimum in January to welcome Goonie - my first grandson. I need to get trained on how to survive a day taking care of an active toddler ending with Elsie in a good mood and ready for bed on schedule. Her mother gets exhausted and is 30 years younger. What hope is there for me?? With 8 days training under my belt I'll feel a bit more confident.

Reyna has been busy getting Goonie's nursery put together. She's doing a Pirate theme. It looks so cute - she's a craft diva and has done so many cute things in a Pirate vein - the best is a song lyric she put on a wall "picture" and all kinds of nicknack's that are so cute. Goonie is going to love his new room.

I keep trying to get to my Etsie site to add knitted hats, but working all day and then getting home after 7 PM most days makes it tough. It took me all day Sunday to take and edit new pictures of everything using a better camera and then Photshop editing them - by the time I was done the evening was well underway and I was pooped. There needs to be an additional day to the week or 30 hours per day. I'm not even busy compared to some people. Reyna gets to read her email and scrapbook after 9PM when Elsie is down, and my friend Jennifer does all her jewelry making from 10 PM - 4 AM. I guess if I could get by on 4 hours sleep there would be no problem. Unfortunately, they have shown in studies that sleeping less than 7 hours a night can make you fat so it's 8 hours min. for this kid. I feel like an old person going to bed at 9:30 PM but if it allows me that piece of pie, so be it.

Hope this letter finds you all well and happy.

- Happy Thanksgiving -

Dreaming In Colors